That song

What it’s like to hear your favorite song?  Yes you will listen to it again and again it you think that it’s time to switch genres. My favorite, your voice. It’s like all my favorite songs are mixed up into a single melody and all I can do it realize that you are a piece of me roaming around in eternity. Why it’s that the things you love are the things you never get?  I mean like when I saw you everyday I never appreciated your voice that much like I do now. I die almost 100 times a day looking at my cellphone thinking maybe it will flash again to show me there’s a call from you. Forget about butterflies,  when there’s a call from your side I feel at the top of the globe like every treasure of the world is mine. Call it love? No I don’t. Love is something that isn’t got that easily.  The vibrations you gave me the first time you cried on the call, I still feel my heart melting for those words. But it’s like I’m not the one legitimate enough for you. 

All I ever wanted was talking to you. You said that you are afraid to talk, but you also said that you aren’t ever going to leave my side or leave me alone even if I’m a demon to your thoughts.  You left me many times, times when I thought that you will come to save me, but you were the one to push me away. You denied everything that we ever had and every memory we shared giving it a fact that I was a liar all this time. Am I a liar to you? Like a person who wants good for others is a liar. A person that loves someone and wants them to be happy Is a liar. I’m no one to blame you I know. But you shouldn’t have had said that if you never ever meant it. It’s normal for you to get in relationships and talking to people,but not for me. I hardly talk to anyone and I opened up ever bit and piece of me to you and all you did was giving it away to someone else. Was I that bad?  Why those words always echo in my mind even if you are universe away from me. Your voice always gave me vibes that I don’t ever see now. Like everything becomes so figured out when I talk to you. I feel so happy. Why don’t you feel the same?! You know everything about me. You know what hurts me still.

Why don’t we talk?!  Why don’t we! I feel like just ruining everything I had but I can’t do that I’m not you. I don’t do things knowing that the other person will get hurt. I can die for people who mean the world to me but all people do is let me die alone. If I ever thought of any bad to you then my suffering is all true. Maybe you found someone new. Someone that you can let go all your thoughts for a while. Maybe you are focused with your goals and think that let him die, he hardly matters. And actually that’s fine. Because many say you a this. Made you stonecold I guess. Remember this always. I’m an idiot. Even though you will cross my mind everyday and I’ll fall for you everytime I will see you. I won’t ever say it. Even though I have to cry inside and let myself die for you I won’t tell it to you. I want to hold you but I won’t ever get any close to you. Even though I’ll always say I stopped feeling for you, you’ll always be my childhood love. 

How to not fall in love? 

How to tell myself it’s was just a lust. 

How to tell myself I’m strong,

How to tell myself you were wrong. 

When the only right thing happend to me was you, 

But I guess you were always running away from my dreams and truth. 

Reality was always hard for me to hold, 

But it was easier when you told. 

I want to hear your voice, my favorite song,

But all I have to tell me is you won’t ever be around. 


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