Do you know me? I ask myself. I shout to myself “Do I know myself?”. I imagine things, I fall for small efforts, I hopelessly watch ROMANTICS, I believe in love stories, I believe in life after death, I cry out loud, I hug mom when I’m sad, I assume things before they happen, I wait. I ALWAYS WAIT. Do I know why? I don’t know why but I had this feeling when I see you. You ,”YES YOU!” make my day better. I’m a paradox. At times I don’t even know who I’m. I want to change. I want to live, I want to love and I want to be loved by the same person. I’m tried. Of assuming things. Running to places full of different faces with familiar voices. I want to go out and see how people love, laugh, live, dance, sing, enjoy life and be happy. I live in far away from people I love because they say I’m a distance person. Maybe I’m. I’m a distance person because I fall, I die everytime I open up myself. To people who don’t care. To faces,to those searching faces. Didn’t I hold your hand once and you said stop my ex is looking. It took me my entire soul to take your hand and all you did was say stop it. I love this distance because I will believe in every word you say and I believe you mean what you say. I don’t have to see your face and realize you never loved me. I’ll always have to stare at those words you once said about loving me and it will all happen again.
That’s why I WRITE. I write because my words are a home to my thoughts. My words are soul to my dead mind. My words are soaked in the love I never got from you. My words are you. I love my words and I love you aswell. I write because right now I’m too weak to make a change. I write because my words give me the power I never believed I had. I write because I’m the hero of my story and there are happy endings to it. I don’t have to run because I have a place to stay. In my words I feel Alive. In my words there is a sense of change that I don’t feel around me. In my words I feel that I am the one who can make you smile. In reality we don’t even see other. I write because of this distance. I Write because I want you to be happy. I write because I want everyone else to be happy. I write because these thoughts never stop. I write because there are no such combinations of words that can define how adorable you are. I write because I want to tell you that you are important. I write because I don’t see faces. I see tried souls that are fighting. I write because you matter, to me, and to everyone. I write because there’s a black sky in your eyes filled with stars that brighten up my heart that I can’t ever tell you. I write because I can’t talk to you face to face. I write because I forget things as I speak. I write because I’m childish and I carve for attention. I write because I want you to notice me. I write because I feel like there are things you should know about yourself. I write because I want a source to convey my gratitude to you. I want to write because of all those unsaid words that I have in my heart. I write because you mean worlds to me. I write to tell me that “don’t give up on her she needs you.” I write because you are beautiful. I write because I want to yell at you and I want to tell you that I’m not like others. I write because looking at you hurts me. I write because I feel sad seeing this distance between us. I write because I can’t hold on to things. Write because things don’t work out for me everytime. I write because I don’t want to give up on you. I write because I feel. I write because there is this universe filled with unsolved mysteries yet the only mystery I want to solve is YOU.