A friend of mine.
Friendships are the bonds that break,
but is it all what friendships take?
I mean look at the things you had,
but now it’s all gloomy and sad,
the thoughts you had yesterday,
and the thoughts you have everyday,
will they ever fade away,
like the promises that turned to silvery gray,
A friend of mine was there with me,
A friend that I no longer see,
A friend of mine with whom childhood was spent,
A friend of mine that was just like a portion’s sweet scent.
A letter to someone with whom I’ve spent my entire childhood once but we don’t hang up nowadays. It’s been 30 years. 30 years ago I left my school and all the fond memories just faded away with the swift breeze of air.
“Hey how long it’s been right? Like millions of years without a home to stay in and no destination to go to. “How are you? and where are you?” all these questions haunted me for years but now it’s all normal for me I guess. This empty feeling has been there for so long I no longer feel it any unusual. It is as normal to me as breathing. But I haven’t written you this because of sudden urge to write or anything like that but maybe I just wanted to tell you it’s fine here and maybe you have to continue living the same way as well. Without me being around and bothering you with questions any more. I saw you the other day. I was blank about my situation, not because I didn’t have anything to say to you but maybe because the fear that exists inside me, the fear of leaving myself in a situation og extremity of guilt and sadness. The fear that maybe I’ll tell you everything that I’ve been doing in my life without even realizing you no longer exist. I wanted to talk about it not because it was you but because I always wanted you to be better person.
I always prayed for the best of things for you and then why you kept choosing others over me? I guess maybe I was weak enough to let you know that you would’ve had made stars rumble with your thoughts and maybe you were just so strong to hold onto things. What made you so weak? What made you kneel down to the circumstances you’ve been facing? I choked me from inside to see you this way and maybe that’s why I left without saying a single word. Because I was so tired of saving you every time putting my self-esteem in a position I no longer left as I existed.
When I saw you that day I didn’t see someone I knew. I saw someone I shared my childhood dreams and hangout places and even my deepest of fears. I saw someone who was strong enough to fall for someone else but wasn’t strong enough to save everything else from falling. What changed? Me, you? Maybe I changed and left the situations as it is. But I tried didn’t I? or I just showed you my back like everyone else did. Well I’m no good for you than if I showed you my back without telling you I would’ve have had taken a stand if you just did one thing right and that was not giving up on yourself. Well it’s time now. For us to say a goodbye for another meeting like this when we’ll have so many things to say but our expressions will say a different story altogether. Because for me it’s not just talking. It’s like telling you everything all over again assuming that it will be fine. But it won’t be fine. It won’t. I won’t say a word because I’m too weak to give out everything and assume that it wasn’t there in the first place ever. How can I do that? How can I just pretend not to exist anymore. Well maybe I kept on doing this for a long time. “this not exist anymore” thing. ”
*sighs* He took this letter. I don’t know where. Maybe a place he always kept these things. But you know everything happens for a reason in your life. Your friend, your family, your loved ones, everyone leaves. And if you close your eyes and think all you have is you. But sometimes we get people who are worth giving up your life for. Like not dying for them, but maybe sharing all your life with them. Love is something undeniably strong and when it gets hard you can trust on those people that can give up their life for you. But if you ever lose their presence just make sure you tried everything that you would’ve had to save what you had and then LET IT GO. You won’t find them I’m sure but you won’t miss them when they are gone. And to all those people I’ve let down, trust me I tried. But you didn’t realize it. I’m sorry. And for those who are with me till now, trust me I won’t leave without giving my soul out to you all.
“Do you remember how much I cried?
When school days were so long and I was tired,
Remember How sorry I was to let you down,
do you even notice this old town?
Hey, its fine trust me,
I’m just a goddamn tragedy,
But hey I said you not to leave,
then why you left my hand and gave me a grief,
Once there was a friend of mine,
who was as bright as sunshine,
but something happens between us,
and the kingdom was broken with pieces of trust.”