Remember me? 


The trails of your wandering,

The paths that I kept on running, 

The wars we fought together, 

And the battle we lost for forever, 

Did I loose this fight long ago, 

Or I was just letting you pace and go, 

How silly I was to let you not see, 

But hey,  do you still remember me? 
“Why?! Why are you leaving!”, a voice from a boy was  filling  the silence of the corridors. 

“Wait!  Let me atleast ask the reason of you leaving me like this.” the voice in much more panic.

“At least say something!”, and the black shadow like body disappeared. 

“Wake up! You sleepy head. You are already late for your first day at the new office.” said his roommate almost kicking him out of his bed. 

“Wait I’m awake. ” he said in a cranky voice. 

“Yeah again the same dream. But why does it keep on haunting me. It’s been months since I had my breakup. But..” he was talking to himself but before completing the sentence a voice came from behind.

“Again talking to yourself. Why I’m even living with you!” roommate shouting.

“I’m going office. I’ll take my breakfast there itself. ”  he said emotionless. 

“And what about the things I’ve made for your first day?” roommate questioned back. 

“OK serve it. I’ll just take a shower till then. ” he said.

In the office,

“Well place looks good.  ” he said to himself. 

“Hey? New employee?” a voice came from behind. 

“Yeah. Can you tell me where’s cabin no. 216.” he said with a genuine smile.  

” Yeah right there. ” the man said. 

As he was filled with new emotions and excitement. A sense of bad omen came. He kept his bag on his desk and started his day’s work. But as he was indulged in it an aroma came by. The same his girlfriend had on. He turned back. The same black hair to whom he was entangled when he saw her first. The same white shirt she had on which she wore on her first date and the same old smile. She was a disaster to his fragile heart. 

“Did she see me. Ofcourse she didn’t else she would’ve had said a hi. Come on!  Why she’ll say a hi. But she was looking pretty as usual . Pretty you idiot she was looking beautiful. But what now?  What should I say to her? Should I talk or should I just let it be. Wait no! She is going like she did the first time. I choked and she left thinking I was not strong enough to stop her.  But I can’t do this again. ” he said to himself and millions of thoughts came engulfing his mind. He was all red. He was breathing fast. 

He got up. 

“What on earth are you doing on the first day of your office?!  What,I’m listening to you. Me?!  Who?  You my heart. Let’s see what happens. But wait! What if she says a no. What if she says she hates you?  Are you fine with it?  Yes I’m. At least I’ll have an answer to my questions. I miss her. I can’t do this without her. I want to listen it from her. I want her to be honest. I can’t see her leave because I gave her all the reasons to stay.  I want to tell her how important this is for me. ” he said to himself wiping his tears off. 

“Hey!” he said. 

The girl stopped and stood right there. It was like the world stopped for the moment. Like nothing else could replace it. Like it was their moment. She turned with red face and teary eyes. 

“Remember me? ” he said with a smile and she was in tears. 

“And then it was their moment,

Like nothing else was meant, 

How fast they caught up with each other, 

How love lasts unlike any other, 

But these memories are a place you find me always, 

Because all these are different phase, 

But don’t forget me so that I can set you free, 

For everytime you forget I’ll say “Hey do you remember me? “

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Trivial love. 

I can feel a distance of thousand suns,

Like this race has just begun,

I can feel my hands shivering in fears,

Like it’s all coming back from past years,

I glance at you in a hope of revival,

Yet I just think of a mere survival,

Like the moon will lose it’s shine one day,

Like the world won’t make it past its dooms day,

Can you tell me how long I have to wait,

Because this love makes me lose my faith.
“Should I text her?”I ask myself.

“Like you have listened to what I say to you right?” A voice came banging from inside.

“But I can make it alright” I said in a sad tone.

“Like you always made it alright? For God sake don’t text her long messages. It hurts inside when you text her everything and all you get is a “last seen at “. Why so stubborn?” Voice replied.

“Why so stubborn? Because I’ve heard it so many times that the things that are meant to be with you will always be there with you. And I can’t bear this distance between us. I feel like miles and miles of dessert still I make a move to get something out of it. Because I can’t let her go away without trying everything I have.” I said

“You have anything? Like love left ? Why you name it love? Is love so easily lost and so hard to find? I mean look at you and look at her. Love separates people to an extent they don’t even recognise each other or pretend that they are perfect strangers with their shared packets of forevers and endless promises which they have made . How can love demand nothing yet takes away everything from you?” Voice with utmost rage.

“Have you ever seen her smile?”I said 

No reply.

“Have you ever tried to touch her hands as she gets closer to you? Have you ever felt so lost in her deep black eyes that almost drown in them. Her scent so fresh like winds that pass through a garden of roses. Have you ever been this fallen in love that minutes of being with her feels like millenniums of infinities. Have you ever held her in your arms and felt like the entire universe in your arms. I close my eyes and I see her beside me. I don’t see her when I open my eyes. How tragic it is that I’ve spent my entire lifetime with someone I longer get to see or get to touch or get to feel. All I do is replay the voice memos she sent me on my birthday or the picture collage she sent me. I’ve been looking at them for days, weeks, months and even years. It has all passed by now and I have heard those memos soo many times I know what will come next. Still I wait eagerly for her to say those things and smile like an idiot. I sense you are right but I sense you are totally wrong as well. I know I’m not the one but I know I won’t give up on the fact of being the last one. 

I’ve read this quote in a movie. 

How can one step away from you be the step in the wrong direction.

I’ve missed her. Don’t you see that? ” I said crying to myself.

“But.” A voice came from inside.

“What but?” I uttered 

” Love is something that I won’t ever understand” voice said. 

“Why are you crying again?” Mom shouted.

“Well she knows what love is.” I said whispering.

“Wait I’ll tell you more about love.” Mom said slapping on my head.

“No way she heard that. Damn mom. ” I said smiling.

” You never loved me she said,

I always loved you he shouted,

Then why you left me she asked,

Because it was meant to be he remarked,

Is this what love means now I ask,

How trivial this love and it’s so dark,

But the god came down to me,

And held me to let me see,

How love means trying you heart out,

And forgetting about this chaos and drought,

Because love means trying,

And love is also a little bit of dying.

A friend of mine.

81b37afc9b0f95e85cccf333ca81f919--guy-quotes-friend-quotesA friend of mine.
Friendships are the bonds that break,
but is it all what friendships take?
I mean look at the things you had,
but now it’s all gloomy and sad,
the thoughts you had yesterday,
and the thoughts you have everyday,
will they ever fade away,
like the promises that turned to silvery gray,
A friend of mine was there with me,
A friend that I no longer see,
A friend of mine with whom childhood was spent,
A friend of mine that was just like a portion’s sweet scent.

A letter to someone with whom I’ve spent my entire childhood once but we don’t hang up nowadays. It’s been 30 years. 30 years ago I left my school and all the fond memories just faded away with the swift breeze of air.
“Hey how long it’s been right? Like millions of years without a home to stay in and no destination to go to. “How are you? and where are you?” all these questions haunted me for years but now it’s all normal for me I guess. This empty feeling has been there for so long I no longer feel it any unusual. It is as normal to me as breathing. But I haven’t written you this because of sudden urge to write or anything like that but maybe I just wanted to tell you it’s fine here and maybe you have to continue living the same way as well. Without me being around and bothering you with questions any more. I saw you the other day. I was blank about my situation, not because I didn’t have anything to say to you but maybe because the fear that exists inside me, the fear of leaving myself in a situation og extremity of guilt and sadness. The fear that maybe I’ll tell you everything that I’ve been doing in my life without even realizing you no longer exist. I wanted to talk about it not because it was you but because I always wanted you to be better person.
I always prayed for the best of things for you and then why you kept choosing others over me? I guess maybe I was weak enough to let you know that you would’ve had made stars rumble with your thoughts and maybe you were just so strong to hold onto things. What made you so weak? What made you kneel down to the circumstances you’ve been facing? I choked me from inside to see you this way and maybe that’s why I left without saying a single word. Because I was so tired of saving you every time putting my self-esteem in a position I no longer left as I existed.
When I saw you that day I didn’t see someone I knew. I saw someone I shared my childhood dreams and hangout places and even my deepest of fears. I saw someone who was strong enough to fall for someone else but wasn’t strong enough to save everything else from falling. What changed? Me, you? Maybe I changed and left the situations as it is. But I tried didn’t I? or I just showed you my back like everyone else did. Well I’m no good for you than if I showed you my back without telling you I would’ve have had taken a stand if you just did one thing right and that was not giving up on yourself. Well it’s time now. For us to say a goodbye for another meeting like this when we’ll have so many things to say but our expressions will say a different story altogether. Because for me it’s not just talking. It’s like telling you everything all over again assuming that it will be fine. But it won’t be fine. It won’t. I won’t say a word because I’m too weak to give out everything and assume that it wasn’t there in the first place ever. How can I do that? How can I just pretend not to exist anymore. Well maybe I kept on doing this for a long time. “this not exist anymore” thing. ”

*sighs* He took this letter. I don’t know where. Maybe a place he always kept these things. But you know everything happens for a reason in your life. Your friend, your family, your loved ones, everyone leaves. And if you close your eyes and think all you have is you. But sometimes we get people who are worth giving up your life for. Like not dying for them, but maybe sharing all your life with them. Love is something undeniably strong and when it gets hard you can trust on those people that can give up their life for you. But if you ever lose their presence just make sure you tried everything that you would’ve had to save what you had and then LET IT GO. You won’t find them I’m sure but you won’t miss them when they are gone. And to all those people I’ve let down, trust me I tried. But you didn’t realize it. I’m sorry. And for those who are with me till now, trust me I won’t leave without giving my soul out to you all.

“Do you remember how much I cried?
When school days were so long and I was tired,
Remember How sorry I was to let you down,
do you even notice this old town?
Hey, its fine trust me,
I’m just a goddamn tragedy,
But hey I said you not to leave,
then why you left my hand and gave me a grief,
Once there was a friend of mine,
who was as bright as sunshine,
but something happens between us,
and the kingdom was broken with pieces of trust.”

Urge.

499df84d21e5d4305f12665715d11fe2--forever-love-sweet-quotes

How you make yourself believe in a lie,

Can’t you just let it untie?

Look, there’s a better place to go,

Why you keep on dying in this snow?

Saw that reflection of you in her eye?

Or just a feeling of a cold goodbye?

This urge to live a life,

This urge to see myself strive,

I love the musings that you say me all night,

But maybe it’s time to give up the fight.

 

“Aren’t you doing anything on her birthday this year?” Asked his friend.

No response from the other side.

“Hey? Are you there?” Came from the same person.

“Yeah. Well I don’t know. I’ll see to that. Well,I’m off to sleep. Take care.” He said hanging up the phone.

A picture with her as his wallpaper told a different story altogether.

“Dear you,

It’s the last page of the 365 pages I’ve written till now. Ironically it’s been a year since we last had a conversation. Yeah, it was your birthday when we talked. I mean I was talking. This year’s going to be different. Will it be? Yeah you were right I’ll be missing you the moment you left. But I never thought it will change me like this. The urge. The willingness to hear you when nobody else is listening. The urge to see you when you’ve surrounded yourself by walls of people you’ve met. The urge to hear it from you, about how worthless your feelings are about boys and how your emotions change with person to person. The urge to feel your smell when the world has lost all its senses to feel anything. To touch the parts of your scarred body that you keep hiding from the world and to tell you how beautiful they look in the glowing moonlight. The urge to see you everyday for the rest of the days that I have left on this planet. The urge to save you from drowning and help you sail out of the storm that you keep dragging yourself into everytime you run into someone new. The urge to write to  you everyday and tell you how important you’ve been till now and how you’ve managed to pull out the buttons inside me that I thought never existed in the first place. I might not be with you all the time but this urge to be with you without being around you drives me crazy in the middle of the night. It tells me to grab you and never let you go again. Like you’ve been a piece of me. A day without hearing things from you feels like a millennium of infinities. Where I find myself lost. Where I don’t know how and what to say to myself. When the only thing I had was you and you took that thing away from me. The long conversations that dried and eventually perished away from my life kind of  hurt me. It just hurts not to see you but hear everything about you. It hurts trying to catch a cloud which just evades from my clenches and fades away. It just like hoping for a ship to come at an airport I guess. Your love made me do things. Your love that was just enough to make me feel like I’m the one for you. Your love that urged me to kiss you slow in the middle of the night. Your love that made me live a life with you. Your love that made me a father, a brother, a sister, a mother and a child. Your love which made me look into your eyes and see my little packets of forevers. Your love, that was just enough to make a stupid boy, a sensible man.

I know it’s your birthday today. But I know I won’t be sending you any of this. It’s been 365 days. Now I guess this urge is changed to a desperate need. But it has always been that “just enough to let you go with someone else in front of my eyes” kind of thing. I know you are fine. I just know that, my love.”

He takes all those pages. Bundles them and burns them. Maybe love stories look better in burnt ashes of little infinities that you live by closing your tired eyes every night. Maybe love stories are just musings that a fortune teller tells to those who keep on searching for it.

Rivers that flow inside your heart,

Rivers that bring a devastating drought,

How a rain inside your mind,

Brings chaos with a pretty chime.

The urge that makes me pray this time,

To feel it all once again with a sad rhyme,

The end comes before the beginning,

Then why am I still trying?

Shhh.. let them guess my love,

Let them feel this urge.

Mirror

 

as-i-stepped-out-to-face-myself-in-the-mirror-reaching-a-hand-to-smooth-away-the-steam-i-saw-myself-quote-1


“Haven’t you seen his smile?
Which he always tries to hide,
Haven’t you seen his glowing eye?
Which dims every time you pass by,
Aren’t you fond of love stories he asked,
Now he keeps on saying love stories are totally masked,
What changed him so much said his mirror,
who takes away the stars that glitter,
Why he tries to hide this pain,
I wish he loved someone like this once again.

“I don’t think this is working out, I mean why you keep on acting like the most
possessive boyfriend. I keep on telling you to give me space and all you do is act
weird every time you see me out with someone.” she said in a hurried voice.
“but..” he said rather hesitatingly.
“What but?! I know you won’t say anything .This is what you do every time. End it please.
there is no point dragging something unnecessarily.” she said.
“I was not..” he said and before he could complete his sentence the phone hung up.

He was all numb. It was happening all over again. The torture of having another
unsuccessful relationship. Like every time he went there it was same again. Same
feelings, same reasons but different people.  It became a habit of giving his share of
everything and getting mere nothingness from the other side.

He tried again and again but failed. With life, with people and with emotions. So
he wrote a letter to god and gave it to the priest that sat in the temple. He believed
god could help him out this time. He went to the priest and told him about his
letter. The priest agreed to convey his message to god. He knew he would never have
anything in return but he wrote so that he could let things out of his head.

“Dear god,
There are plenty of things I would’ve had thought of but the only thing that
gets my mind is emotions. How every time I ruin things because of these emotions. So
I want you to grant me a wish. Not being a millionaire or having all the luxuries of
world but to be a mirror. Yes a mirror. So that I could reflect other people’s emotions.
So that I don’t have to show her my emotion every time she looks at me or talks to me. So
that I could listen to all her thoughts and queries and still don’t fall for her or
feel anything specific about her. I want to be a mirror because I want to sit there
and look at her and feel how she feels. To cry with her not to cry for her. To look
at her and see that she is already looking at me. So that she can’t leave me. So
that she isn’t bored of me. I want to show her all her emotions. I want to love like
her,cry like her and feel like her. To be her other half that she looks upon every time
she is happy or she is sad. To feel her smile after her first kiss or feel her eyes after she
loses something that means a lot to her. To be there for her even if she never notices me.
To be her other part without letting her sense my presence. To watch her say silly things
about her and laugh with her. To know about her fears and about her favourite song.
To see her in every way and still be there for her without falling for her. I want you to
let me be a mirror so that I can see her the way she looks at her.”

The priest never saw him again so that he could tell him his letter was somewhere lost in
the temple. But the priest will never know what happened to the boy. Will he?

“Try a bit this time,
And tell her “YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE”,
Because she will never know,
And she will never even show,
You have to tell her the stories you write,
and how your world becomes so bright.
To hold her without touching her,
That’s why I want to be a mirror,
Mirror to see her face,
so that I could watch her beautiful grace.

 

dysphoria

30fd01561d9879d65984434bdea63f68
The wait which tends to be so long,
The gods keep on singing the same song,
Broken pieces which aren’t ever found.
which keep me making that sad sound.
Aren’t you coming back now?
Are you going to bow?
Aren’t you taking me with you?
We promised to make our world all brand new.
This dysphoria gives me such vibes,
This dysphoria keeps me awake all night.
Thinking about you,
Trying to make this dream come true.

“Hey are you not going to jump in?” a voice came from a recorded audio.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I’ll always stay with you.” Another recording that comes up with a fimiliar voice.
“You don’t understand, I love you?” *phone hangs up.*
“Are you crying?” with a child like voice from one more audio.
“What are you doing this late?” came a voice from behind.
“Nothing dad just..” he said quickly wiping his tears.
“Go to sleep right now.” In a loud voice.
“Yes, dad going.” he said with a smile.
As he lays down. He covers himself with a pillow. He starts crying. No one in the world knows why. He always ends up crying at night when the world is far asleep and all you hear is ticking of the clock. There’s silence around him. The silence that makes noises that threatens his conscience. Silence that bangs his eardrums.
As he sat down on his bed with a sigh, there was a knock on his window. There was someone outside. It was a full moon night and it felt like there was a girl.
He opened up his window. She jumped onto him.
“Happy friendship day!” she said holding him as tight as ever.
“But wh” he couldn’t complete his sentence.
“Shhh, let’s go out first.” she said holding his hand.
He jumped from his window to the rooftops. He was right beside her. As close as he wanted her to be.
“Why are you looking at me?” she said with a confused expression.
“Why can’t I look at you.” he said with smile.
“Look at the moon, it’s much more beautiful than I can ever be” she said looking at the moon.
“Well even thousand moons can’t match your beauty” he said.
“Oh, how come?” she said.
“And you ask me how come the moon can’t match the beauty you have. Well moon can’t sing like you do. Full of irrelevant words and ruined beats. Moon can’t smile at me like you do. Moon can’t fall in love with things like you do. Moon can’t talk to me. Moon can’t hold me. Moon stands there life less and you full of life. “he said looking at the moon.
“But Moon is eternal. Moon is there and will always be there. Moon has watched stories and life of millions of people. Moon knows so many stories. Stories that you can’t ever think of.” she said looking at him.
And he opens up his eyes. He was back to the real world again. With that unwell feeling. Where she no longer exists. Where moon still remains eternal, but she’s gone.
He goes to the roof top.
“Hey. I miss you where you are. Talk to me” A voice memo. It plays on repeat. It repeats everynight. It repeats everytime he misses her.
He stands in front of the mirror trying to look at himself and feel her touch on his skin. He takes long showers and sits there thinking about the day when he forgot his umbrella and they shared it back to their home. Trying to feel it once more.
“Take my hand. We are almost there.” she said.
“There, where? he said.
“Wait a bit” she said holding a cover on his eyes.
“We are here! My favourite place in this small town. Where we can see the moon and the sun at the same time during the dawn.” she said smiling like a kid.
He whispers “I love you.” But no one there to listen to him.
“You said something?” said asked.
“Yeah. This place looks amazing.” he said.
Holding each others hand at that moment it felt like forever. It felt like it won’t come to an end. But it did. The moment, the places and what was left was haunting memories.
This unwell feeling it never loses its hold on him.
“Come back!” he wrote to her.
“Happy friendship day” is a message that flashed on her screen a year later.

“If I lose myself tonight,
Will you come and hold me tight.
The lines on my hand,
I hope they cut in a way I’ll be the one for you
I’m taking a stand,
for something I’m always going to lose.
This feeling of dysphoria,
Can it be my Euphoria?

Eutony.

IMG_20170327_230531_007.jpgThe cluster of letters in her name,
made an Eutony so great,
I guess it’s love to blame,
and her eyes what a threat,
that robbed my soul,
like a talisman so sweet,
Did we reach our final goal?
Or we lost sight of our fleet?
Eutony her name was so great,
Eutony her name will be
Forever engraved.
“Did you ever meet her again?” asked the small child.
“No my son, I guess things you love are the things that are the farthest from you own reach.” said the man.
“But why did you both parted your ways grandpa?”said the small child with a blank expression.
“We didn’t part our ways my dear. I just opened the cage she was suffocating in. I couldn’t see her in broken wings. She was meant to fly high in the skies, I set her free so that she comes back to me whenever she wants to.” old man said with a smile.
“But what let you love her so much?” asked the child.
“Do you love your god?” he said.
“course I do.” child smiled.
“How much?” he asked.
“This much” he said stretching his hands as much as he can.”But what god has to do with love grandpa?” child asked innocently.
“Don’t tell anyone your grandma had power of gods aswell. Her voice made people love her, and her eyes were like pearls. She was so graceful when she stood ,like everyone else disappeared from the room. She did magic. She spellbound me. I couldn’t see anyone when she was around me. She held me in her arms like she’ll never let me go. Every breath she took while she was sleeping was so mystical to me. I lost myself in her. She took all my broken pieces and made it hers.” he said with tears in his eyes.
“Grandpa why are you crying? Don’t cry please.” child said in a sad voice.
” No my child I’m not crying. These tears bring down happiness that I hold inside my heart.” he said wiping his tears.
“Do you still miss her?” child asked with hesitation.
“I do. I miss her like earth misses the moon. I miss her like summer misses the rain. I miss her like an orphan misses his parents. I miss her with all my heart, with every tear in my eyes and with every ounce of emotion that’s engraved inside my soul. I miss her fights and I miss her scoldings. I miss her ignoring my presence and I miss talking to her about nothing. I miss eating with her, and holding her. I miss her eyes that called my name in the morning and I miss us counting the stars. I miss running with her to our nowhere, and I miss the eutony in her name. I just miss her every time.” he said with a sigh.
Child hugged him tightly.”I also miss grandma.” holding his grandpa.

” They way she stood down the hallway,
I was watching her coming close to me today,
But ask she passed by me without saying a word,
I could sense my heart hitting a sword.
I wanted to kiss her slow,
But I didn’t want to let her go.
I want to keep her close,
but I didn’t want to cut her lose.
I wanted to keep her within,
But all I did was loving her doing a sin.

All over again.

Screenshot_20170705-013804_1.jpg

“Get over her. She’s just a girl. Many will come.” his friend said patting on his shoulder.
“Yeah she is JUST A GIRL.” he said with a smile.
“Am I saying something wrong?”his friend asked.
“NO did I say anything?” he said in a frustrated voice.
“Say then speak it out.” his friend said with a smile.
“You say move on? Move on from what? Lies,memories,broken promises, future planning, laughs, shared clothing, wild dreams, late night counting stars? Move on from what child like faces, running and jumping around,holding hands,kissing her forehead,loving her? She already did move on a long time ago. I remember her say I will be the one who will last longer in this relationship. Where is she now? All she gave me is lasting memories that will haunt me for a long time and a lasting voice that will eat up all the thoughts that I had, which will be questioning me, and my potential. Which will just leave me in silence for a little longer. I feel numb sometimes, not because I’ve seen to much of it but because every time I break I have to start all over again. By picking myself and dragging all those scattered pieces hoping for someone to come and help me joining them in perfect match and then breaking it again. I say moving on isn’t tough. What’s tough is holding on to those tiny specs of hopes that Rome in the darkness of your thoughts like fireflies. What’s tough is hearing your voice everyday and still trying not to love you anymore, What’s tough is acting like I don’t know you anymore and be fine with who I’m. What’s tough is being me again when all I was told was I’m more of you and less of me. I fixed you right? I reminded you of things that you love then why you hate me now? Why everyone says move on and why not hold on? Why we say you will find someone better when You know what’s best for you. Why people lie to each other and give each other false hopes about how life is so good on the other side. Why people don’t say “Hey stay there for her she needs you or Hey hold on she will come back soon”. Why can people who love each other never end up being together? Why we have to start all over again? From the beginning. We started with a wild-fire and ended up in ashes, being so vulnerable that slightest of winds blows away our hopes. Why I have to plan everything with someone else all over again when I know I won’t ever plan anything like I did it with you. Why it’s so tough to hold on? Why can’t we just be on each other’s side for the rest of our lives loving like kids and caring like grownups. Why we built castles of hopes on clouds of miseries? Why we become to sure about it not breaking like everything else. Why we always hope others to pick us up? Why is she not here to listen to all this? Why all she said was some words filled with utter hatred which she never meant to say and why I lost a small piece of me with every word that came out of her talking mouth. Why I have to start from the end again to write a new beginning? Why is she the only place that is the coldest yet the warmest place where my heart resides? I don’t want to start all over again. I want to feel the pain of watching her go in front of my eyes. I want her to see how much I want her. Maybe she will feel that I’m too weak to move on but maybe I’m just to strong to hold on. Hold on to those words that she uttered while being happy, holding on to her eyes that catch every falling breath of mine. I don’t want to start all over again just because I want to forget her. I don’t want to start all over again just to show her I can do it. I don’t want to start all over again because my world stops revolving around the galaxies of infinite possibilities and endless emotions when she isn’t around. Tell me it’s worth it won’t you? Tell me more reasons to give up and I’ll tell you twice as many to live it up to you cuz I don’t want it all over again. ” he said with a sigh.
“If I was her I would’ve had kept you forever.” his friend said poking him.
“yeah.” he smiled.

 

Presence.

“Son, will you ever leave me alone?” mom asked his small child.
“Never Mom! I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens.”replied a 6 years old innocent child.
“Son, will you ever leave me alone?” mom asked to his grown up child.
“Mom. I don’t have time for this right now can we talk later?”said the grown up.
“Hey I miss you.” leaving a message for his girlfriend.
“Son, can you get me a glass of water?”said his mom.
“Mom can’t you see I’m doing something? Take it yourself.” he said in an angry voice.
“I’ll can bring moons and stars for you.” texting his girlfriend.
His mom was ill and he was not at the hospital when he received a message that his mom passed away some time ago. A sense of regret and emotions ran through his veins and his face became all red and he started crying like a small kid lost in a fair searching for his parents. He wasn’t able to know what he had done. So many unsaid words. So many memories. He looked at his hands and imagined his mom holding them. The smell of her clothes was so irreplaceable now. Every second he felt a little more lonely on this planet filled with so many people and faces.
Why was he crying? When someone dies we cry like kids just because we know we can’t see them again anymore. Their irritating attitudes, or love and affection or their fighting, we won’t ever hear their voice. We can just turn the pages of a long picture book that can be touched every time we closed our eyes but can’t be relived again. They say people become stars when they die. I belive they are so right about it. Because you know the only thing constant in life is sun,moon and stars. Nothing else persists. Not me and not even you. We die with memories and give memories to others as well. What if I tell you tonight at 3 A.M. that “hey I’m leaving on a journey to meet god. What message you have for him.” You will be like are you mad or anything like that. But you know death is something more devastating. It comes without a call and it takes you away. You  know what’s going to happen? Maybe my childhood crush will marry someone else and I won’t be able to see her getting all dressed up in her most beautiful apparel. Maybe I won’t ever marry my best friend or anything like that. You can’t change anything right. You can’t.
His girlfriend left him. He was betrayed for lame reasons. Was he not loving her? Maybe. Maybe not. You know there’s something in life called presence. That’s felt when that something is completely absent from your life. We ignore things and situations even people just for something that’s never going to exist in our lives in future. Why it is said that live in the present. Because you never know what will happen the very next moment. You tell of all the things you can do for your lovers, can you do that for your parents. I mean aren’t they the one that should know about everything in your life. Are they your enemies? They care. They fight. They love. They love you. No matter what happens there are always things you can’t do without them. It’s been four years since I had my first heart break. Maybe it was a long distance relationship but it destroyed every other relationship I had with people around me. I saw my mom crying just because I didn’t say anything for days. I was becoming heartless. I was traumatized by the thoughts I couldn’t get over with. But one night I couldn’t hold it inside me. I went to my parents room and hugged mom and started crying. I cry a lot to be honest. But I don’t know what power my mom has to hold every piece of me in such a stable situation I feel nothing was ever wrong. I have fights with my parents. But I don’t know how much I love them. If there was anything that I could’ve had imagined of doing successfully I wish I can make them happy. I wish can stand high on their hopes. I want to be someone who they can be proud of. Everyone wishes that. But what if they aren’t here to see what you’ve done in your life.
Presence is something that loses its value with time, but absence is something that goes deeper and deeper as time passes by. Being totally shy with confessing my feelings to people I hardly speak to anyone I know. I want to say so many thing to everyone. I want to tell my best friend I love her so much, I want to travel places with my crush, I want to marry someone I love, I want to dance in rain with small children, I want to tell my parents I can’t survive a single day without them being around, I want to hug my mom and dad together when I’ve made them the proudest parents on this planet, and the listen it  goes on and on.
You never know what’s going to happen next. I get demoralized everytime but my mom dad are here with me. I’ve met the most amazing and strongest people in my life. They know they can do it without their mom or dad with them. To anyone who is reading this. I know you can do it. No matter what happens you know you can. Because your loved ones and your parents want you to see you at the highest peaks of successes. It’s fine to fight with people who mean a lot to you. But talk to them. Because you never know when is the last time you had a conversation with them.

 Did i ever tell you. 

“Hey, I haven’t heard from you for a long time. Where are you!? “, he texted her. 

It’s been two months since they last met. She was his best friend. He had something deep for her which she never realized. They both talked like they’ve never seen each other. With same enthusiasm and joy. But everyone said she used to talk with everyone like this. So he accepted the reality and buried down his fantasies. 

“Hey. Are you there?! “he texted again. 

” hello? “he typed. 

He was engulfed with bad thoughts. He was not sure what she was up to. He was worried. It didn’t take him long to loose his mind and he began to cry. He was not sure what was happening to him. The thought of her was all over him.  He realized he had so many unsaid things that he wanted to say to her. He was tortured by the thought of never seeing her. Two days went away. It was time when summer breaks were almost over. Out of the blues he received a text message from her mother. 

“We are getting shifted to a different place in couple of days. Do visit us. ” flashed on his phone. 

“I’ll come today.”    he texted with lot of hesitation. 

“Sure. Come over to our place by 6.” A reply blinked on his phone. 

Initial thoughts were what all I can say to her. I’ll see her for the last time. Can I tell her what I feel. He was panicking. He was sweating and breathing faster with every passing minute. 

I’ll write. “what?!”  he said to himself.  “That’s the only way.” he said again with a sigh. 

He took his pen and started.. 

My dear best friend,

Its been soo many long years of us fighting,  crying, singing,  dancing, and being together. But did I ever tell you that maybe we had something special. I mean look at me. I blush every time I see you. I don’t feel like being myself when you touch me. I realize that everytime we don’t talk I want to talk to you even more. Do you have things like these as well? Childhood dream of all fellowmates of mine. You ruled things. And I was like look she’s my friend. I’m on the way to ruin my friendship but I guess it’s worth it. Because you gave me memories I can’t dream of but the world I have in my mind should be known to you as well. You taught me how to live in details. You showed me how fearless and amazing life is. You made me believe in myself. What you did to me was what love does to others. Did I ever tell you that your penguin like walk makes me love you even more. The way you beat me everytime I’m sad. Everytime you tease me just to make me feel more pathetic. You know everything still act unknown just to make me think you don’t know. Did I ever tell you how strong and beautiful you look when you debate on some topic. I’ve seen galaxies in your eyes and whirlwinds in your mind. How differently elegant you are. Did I tell you I will always love the “carefree”  version of you. Did I tell you how long my nights be when I don’t talk to you on calls. Did I tell you how good my day goes when I see you. Did I tell you, that you are like a soul to this  dead. Did I tell you I’d rather love talking to you for million years rather than  accepting all the riches of the world. Did I ever tell you that Ill always be here, and I’ll never give up on you like everyone else did.  You can mend a broke heart just by your words and you can make it bleed as well. I’m not giving you the power which you already had. I’m just telling you that this power will always be with you. 

All I wanted to tell you was be here for someone like  me because if not me maybe there will always be a person  you won’t ever see. 

With love 

Your best friend. 

Did he ever meet her? Was the letter sent to her?  Did she read it with tears in her eyes and gave him a hug or she just walked away. I wished they did. I wish he told her all of it. I hope he would’ve never left her like everyone else did. 

Maybe he did and maybe they are still together. Or maybe they never existed Like you and me. “Don’t ever tell her these things, maybe she’ll realize it herself.” said the voices.