About time.

f41170ceb676bcd9c714627e7c1047b6How fast can time change everything. Did we change or we just adapt to the situations around us. Sometimes I do feel like calling someone out and tell them “Hi! You are damn important to me.” But I can’t because time changed it all. Why I still look at those screenshots I took and curse myself for not stopping you from leaving my side. Did I stop making efforts or time just changed it all for me. How I became such a deep thinker when the only thing that went through my mind was how to out shine and score good in my exams. Did I just lose my childhood in the big fat expectations of this world. Or did I just loose myself in order to prove my worth to you? Time heals all right. But what if time is the thing that is making all your cuts deep scars. I wasn’t like this. I started hating myself in the process of loving you. The pieces of me dripped off my hands and I couldn’t do anything just stare. Did time change or did I adapt to what it made me. Didn’t I try to convince myself from that day when you said you are in love with someone. I tried to tell myself that it’s not worth fighting. Fighting a war with your thoughts and the reality. Do the stars loose their brightness with passing time? Do people really change or they just pretend to. I haven’t changed from the day I realized you went with someone else. I was trying back then. I try still. I fall for yours words back then, I fall for them now as well. I wish time changed me like it did to people around me. The fights, the silence, the dreams.

I stopped telling stories to people around me. I stopped talking to people. I watched them go and tell me to stay there. I watched them laugh and live without me. Was it time that did all that damage? When she was the one the promised me to stay there was did she never walk down that path ever again? Did she loose her path? Did she forgot that someone is waiting down there?  People say miracles do happen if you believe in them. Miracle happen every day when I get to see your face or get to have a conversation with you. I realized that I turned out to be the exact desperate, Idiot that you always hated. You told me how guys texted you or pleaded you to be friends with them and how much you hated that. I became one of those guys. Time did that?! or it was just me that is to be blamed for not moving on from that very day. Would I be a better person? should I leave it to time and just stand there or should I fight for what I want and get it? Will I ever get my reasons to just leave the way I’m traveling right now and go to a place where there is no existence of the feelings I have for you. Will time make me forget you? or will time make me carve for you. Will time ever let us be together or the moment we had was more than enough. I want answers from You. Someone who cares but doesn’t care. Someone who loves but never loved. Someone who hides the tears in the brightest smiles. Someone I love the most. Someone as important as time. Someone like you maybe.

Continue reading “About time.”

Expressions


Do you see yourself often?

Do you see what you feel in your eyes?

Do you touch yourself and feel That every ounce of your body belongs to her?

Do you feel your heart beats getting faster everytime her scent is around?

Do you feel like holding her close to you But you can’t because she’s like mist.

Don’t  you want these expressions For forever?

This feeling. This touch. This moment. This everyday struggle just to live your entire day in short span of time. Every bit of feeling flowing inside of your heart in that moment. These expressions.

Her words. The way she rotates her eyes in a curious way or the way she stands up on her toes like a little kid just to see what’s infront of her. The way she jumps around or the way her lips go a little bit sidewards when she smiles. The way her eyes shirks when she’s too happy or the way she tumbles down when she laughs too hard. When she acts childish just to grab your attention or how comfortable she Makes you feel. How she sneeks From the edge of he door. Or how she smiles when you make her feel something special. Or the way comes back the entire corridor just to pass a Hi to you.  How you wait everyday just to feel it all over again knowing that it’s not worth it. These expressions. That last forever. That carve inside me. That make me feel the nostalgia. That Make me LIVE  and that make me DIE. These expressions.

The distance, the feeling that you don’t know. The expression of saying it all and saying nothing. The expression of walking down the road all alone when all you had was her and all  she was,  was a myth. A story that your mind created. An illusion of you thoughts and the shouts of your tears. The longing of the days when you had so much to say but couldn’t say it to anyone. The expression of the wait of her calls. The expression of her eyes when she didn’t bother your existence. When she felt like she couldn’t  hold it but held on. When she wanted to say it to you but kept silent. The expression of her sound that echos in those silent corridors of your abandoned heart. The expression of her voice saying your name again and again. The expression of she grabbing you hand and running around. The expression of her turning around and never looking back. The expression of the nights and the expression of the fights. The expression of the joys and the expression of the broken toys. Expression Of Her Touch And The Expression Of Her Holding You.

SHE WAS AN EXPRESSION. THE FACT THAT MY MIND DENIED BUT HEART ACCEPTED. AN EXPRESSION THAT MY EYES NEVER FORGETS. Maybe You can Find A Way to Get A Closer Look To How Beautiful Her Expression Is If You Ever Meet Her.

BUT.. Shhhhh

don’t fall for her in the process.

Lost words.

“So how’s you been?”she said with a smile.” I’m not fine I need a saving this time said the inner voice.  “I’m fine”  he said with a gesture. “why you act so weird these days. It’s like  you never acted this strange.” Weird feeling you know. Right now I’m falling for your smile. Your way of standing. Everything about you is making me speechless said my inner voices. “Yeah I’m not feeling well these days. So acting a bit weirdly. ” “Can we talk more we haven’t had a conversation from a long time.” she said in the most sweetest of her voice. I can talk like this for eternity. Don’t you see it in my eyes. I crave for your presence. How can you not see anything. “Yes,  we can talk I’m free for a while.” he said in a hesitating voice. “So you seeing out someone? Or having a crush on someone?”  she said in the normal way making it much more harder for me.  Yes, I’ve had a crush on you since I was in my senses about love. I had a crush on your mind and a crush on your eyes. I had a crush on your crazy thoughts and your late night talks said my inner voices. “No! I mean no I don’t have a crush on anyone. Yes I wanted to talk to this girl but then I gave up.” he said to change the topic instantly. “So how’s your boyfriend I heard you had a breakup. He was a nice guy”  he said.  “Hmm”  she said. “What I can get out of this hmm of yours?”  I don’t want to talk about this but I can’t just let go of this moment said my inner voice. “Hey I wanted to ask you if you are free later tonight we’ll talk” she said timidly. Yes! I’m always free for you said my inner voices. “okay you’ll call though.”he said “Of course I will. I’ll go my car has arrived. It was nice talking to you.” she said with the biggest of smile. She was always this way. Don’t go said me inner voices.  “bye”  he said.

The worst feeling you know comes when you have soo much to speak but you can’t utter a single word. I mean days and nights thinking about something to happen and not doing anything when that thing is finally infront of you. Its haunting. Maybe there’s much more to life and maybe everyone says it’s soo easy to move on even if it was a dream all this time but can’t be life simple. Atleast for an Introvert who never spoke a word to her love,  can’t she see that she is wanted in his life more that anything else. Yes she is running with someone else right now but maybe she isn’t even sure why she is this way. You know I’ve not loved her since I was born but I loved her since the day my love senses were born.

Her slightest of touches and heaviest of breaths. I don’t fall for her presence. I love her absence. The way she takes her eyes of me when she knows I’ve been looking at her. To make me feel that I’m not wanted in her life anymore. That’s the beauty of the moment is. I can fast forward it all but I was always play it in slow motion. Those searching eyes never found a traveler until you laid your home in it. The moment of impact. The time when everything changes. When stars guide you to her and she guides you home. I don’t fall for her sometimes. But I do fall for her everytime.

Faces I’ve seen so many,

Never found someone like you, Irony.

The nights I’ve lost myself in,

The nights you came and saved me like a gin.

Magic is something you have a Mastery in,

Magic so fascinating that makes me love you from deep within.

Love stories. 

What a love story means to you? A boy and girl, falling in love with each other, boy making it up to the girl. This is how a normal love story starts

 right?  Boy proposing a girl and she saying a yes probably. What if my thoughts about love stories are different. What if I’m a boy that’s probably never going to approach and tell you how I feel. What if a person falls in love with his/her best friend. You’ll say look he’s talking about best friend again. But it’s not true. Not all love stories are same. You should fight for what you want and they say that soul mates always find a way back to themselves. So it’s like let’s take romeo and Juliet as an example. A magical love story about how things go wrong and everytime romeo comes to save the day. What if romeo is lost himself. Why doesn’t Juliet gives it a try?  Why doesn’t Juliet save the day. Because we think that a boy will do it. It took me 6 years to tell her that I like her. (that too on a phone call, calling it I really liked her even though I liked her everyday) Why don’t people make it simple. Why ruin it for people like me who still believe that love exists somewhere and not a mere fantasy. 

There’s this song I really like by one of my favorite singers.

“Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. “

What if that’s different in my case 

” Juliet save me I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come.”

What if you are blamed for something you never did. Not blamed basically but still. Why is it that no one comes to save the day and you have to be your own savior. What if you’ve been fighting a fight that was long lost. Never fall for your best friend. Even though that sounds crazy but it sucks unless and until you plan to live your entire life with them. You loose someone that literally knows all you ups and downs and secrets. Most importantly you loose your best place to cry on. You loose a good decision maker, a fighter for you, a well wisher. Actually this list is never ending. 

I still believe in fighting for your loved ones. But what if all reasons you had are gone. Will you move on or still fight for those tiny  bits and pieces of memories you had. When all the hopes you had were named something materialistic. Something you never wanted to happen. Will you give up? 

Because I’d been told about moving on everytime. But do our parents move on and give up after a hectic fight or something really bad. I guess everyone has their off days. Everyone does something wrong. What’s the point in holding onto it then? If everyone moved on then there’s nothing like perfect stories even with all the imperfections. I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. And I still believe it will happen somewhere in parallel world. But my mind Damn!  It never stops cursing me for my attempts to be a hero in her life. Actually I’m no one right now. But then it makes me think move on or stay?  Why are you giving up on something you wanted for a lifetime. Why are you just not trying to make it happen. Will she ever save my day. Like I tried to do. Dilemma so deep,  I’ve been fighting it for days now. 

“Never leave romeo he never has to be alone. “

Maybe sometimes even romeo needs a saving for his Juliet. But what if it never takes place. Well happy endings do happen maybe not in my case.  

That song

What it’s like to hear your favorite song?  Yes you will listen to it again and again it you think that it’s time to switch genres. My favorite, your voice. It’s like all my favorite songs are mixed up into a single melody and all I can do it realize that you are a piece of me roaming around in eternity. Why it’s that the things you love are the things you never get?  I mean like when I saw you everyday I never appreciated your voice that much like I do now. I die almost 100 times a day looking at my cellphone thinking maybe it will flash again to show me there’s a call from you. Forget about butterflies,  when there’s a call from your side I feel at the top of the globe like every treasure of the world is mine. Call it love? No I don’t. Love is something that isn’t got that easily.  The vibrations you gave me the first time you cried on the call, I still feel my heart melting for those words. But it’s like I’m not the one legitimate enough for you. 

All I ever wanted was talking to you. You said that you are afraid to talk, but you also said that you aren’t ever going to leave my side or leave me alone even if I’m a demon to your thoughts.  You left me many times, times when I thought that you will come to save me, but you were the one to push me away. You denied everything that we ever had and every memory we shared giving it a fact that I was a liar all this time. Am I a liar to you? Like a person who wants good for others is a liar. A person that loves someone and wants them to be happy Is a liar. I’m no one to blame you I know. But you shouldn’t have had said that if you never ever meant it. It’s normal for you to get in relationships and talking to people,but not for me. I hardly talk to anyone and I opened up ever bit and piece of me to you and all you did was giving it away to someone else. Was I that bad?  Why those words always echo in my mind even if you are universe away from me. Your voice always gave me vibes that I don’t ever see now. Like everything becomes so figured out when I talk to you. I feel so happy. Why don’t you feel the same?! You know everything about me. You know what hurts me still.

Why don’t we talk?!  Why don’t we! I feel like just ruining everything I had but I can’t do that I’m not you. I don’t do things knowing that the other person will get hurt. I can die for people who mean the world to me but all people do is let me die alone. If I ever thought of any bad to you then my suffering is all true. Maybe you found someone new. Someone that you can let go all your thoughts for a while. Maybe you are focused with your goals and think that let him die, he hardly matters. And actually that’s fine. Because many say you a this. Made you stonecold I guess. Remember this always. I’m an idiot. Even though you will cross my mind everyday and I’ll fall for you everytime I will see you. I won’t ever say it. Even though I have to cry inside and let myself die for you I won’t tell it to you. I want to hold you but I won’t ever get any close to you. Even though I’ll always say I stopped feeling for you, you’ll always be my childhood love. 

How to not fall in love? 

How to tell myself it’s was just a lust. 

How to tell myself I’m strong,

How to tell myself you were wrong. 

When the only right thing happend to me was you, 

But I guess you were always running away from my dreams and truth. 

Reality was always hard for me to hold, 

But it was easier when you told. 

I want to hear your voice, my favorite song,

But all I have to tell me is you won’t ever be around. 

That day. 

Ever wanted someone soo much that you even forget they aren’t even there now and let yourself drown in their memories. Have you ever seen a bird in the sky, the swiftness it has it vanishes away everytime a storm comes up. So I’ve been thinking about it recently where we were and where we stand now. It’s been a long time hearing from others what you do and what you’ve been up to recently. But then I realize that I’ve passed my entire childhood this way. I always wanted to be a part of your adventure but never really had a chance. It was like a friend is much better than thousand lovers and yes, I was your friend. 

So that day when I was sitting in my class after a screwed up day. I heard your voice coming from the corridors and as usual my friends get more excited about your presence than I do because they don’t  know the truth. Like everytime you show up anywhere it’s like a burst of emotions inside me. So I was sitting there and my friend he literally said I was calling you. I didn’t expect him to do that. But never mind. After a long time I saw you in those typical school shirts (basically yellow was one of my favorites because you wore it)  but it’s like yeah you were looking amazing as usual. So you said “hey you called?”  I was  Awestruck to be honest but yes I nodded. I actually have a hell lot to say but when I see you it’s like butterflies. So it’s like yes we started talking and I was listening. I was happy to see you. After a long time alone with me. I was stumbling with my words. So I thought you got up to go. Yes a sense of despair ran down my veins. But that day was different. It was something about it. A core memory . You got up from the table you were sitting on and hugged me. I rewind it. Again like okay it’s not a dream. You hugged me! 

The flow of blood stopped and actually it got inside my head. My heart was pounding inside my chest like I just completed a marathon. My universe started taking a shape. Actually that small moment of uncertainty and Delusion was the moment for me. You got back. I really wanted it to last forever. If forever was just a moment of time that could be measured by the amount of pleasure you get. My forever was of of some seconds. I saw it in your eyes. It was normal for you I guess. It wasn’t for me. I heard your heart beating at once. I smelled your aura. I was falling for your presence. I closed my eyes to feel the warmth but all I could do was coming back into the reality. For the first time reality was better than fantasy. So that small moment of tremendous joy ended in a flash. I never thought of writing this but maybe it’s worth it. 

It’s been a long time this happend. Nothing changed but a memory craved soo deep inside my heart even gods can’t wipe it apart. Yes you. You made my heart go crazy like roller coasters. I wish I could ever find words to say to you that you are special to me even though world denied that fact. But now it’s just a fame of memory and I’m on a different way. A way that never leads to you. 

I wish that day was a never ending story. A story that I can indulge in everytime I close my eyes.

Falling in love. 

“I Love you” she said.  

“I don’t love you yet. Maybe I don’t know what I feel for you. I don’t know what love feels like” he said in a rather timid voice.  

“Why  don’t you love me? Am I now worth it?”she said almost bursting into tears.  

“Love isn’t the only thing that counts maybe the process of falling in love does. We’ve known each other for years. We’ve been best of friends. I just don’t feel like naming it love. I mean like love isn’t everything. Maybe I like you right now and I’m on way to love you. I like your presence. I feel happy when you are around and I feel I’m myself when I’m talking, sharing all my feelings with you. The first day we met it was like it wasn’t something easy. We’ve always been different. The way we talk, our fights,  you beating me up for no reason, crying when you get angry or I get angry,we’ve been there for each other when needed the most isn’t it more important  than mere love. I feel like you walk beside me like a shadow. Silent but always there. Haven’t you realized it yet? Love isn’t something that gets vanished with time . Evergreen and ageless like the sun, stars, and the moon. Love is something bigger, amazing, it’s not what makes it amazing maybe the way you fall in love with someone is much more. The process of falling in love, the small packets of memories and mountain of barriers you climb to  fall for someone. Love isn’t something small that you say “I love you” and you are in love. Maybe you aren’t even close to fall in love. Love is something that you feel like when you’ve been with someone for years and still fall for them everyday. You want to see them around you and you just want to be with them. Love is like you fall for the baby face of your lover when she wakes up right beside you or you try to hold her closer than ever before after an hour of fight. You know every flaw they have and still love them. You’ve known each other since you where so small. You’ve seen how she cried and how small little eyes she had. How she has changed over years and still is beautiful  and flawless. Even though she was weak inside she was soo strong outside. You fall for the way she speaks out to you everytime and how enthusiastic she is when she tells everything  that happened to her the entire day. 

I don’t love you and I think I’m not even close to fall in love. But, I feel something for you that’s priceless. I may not plan to spend my entire life with you right now but I do think I’ve spent the time of my life with you. The memories you gave me, I’ll cherish them forever. Love couldn’t have had made me feel that way. The process of falling in love with you did. I felt soo strong when I was with you. I felt like you’ve always been there. Right beside me. Love couldn’t do that. I’ve done this before. I said I love you in my dreams many times, but when I wake up I think I love your presence. When I share my lunch, how you spoon feed me at times that’s love. I can’t tell you how long I’ve felt this way but I want it to be this way for a long time. Forever isn’t a long time if you’ve lived it in a single touch. When you hold my hand I feel the strongest. When you put your head on my shoulder I feel the world resides besides me. I don’t want you as someone temporary. I feel like I want you for the rest of my life. Call it love if you want, but falling in love gave me more joy than loving you ever gave to me. Yes,  I do love you not your face but maybe your soul is beautiful and that’s love. Just like the glowing moon in the dark. 💓” 

Those eyes. 

And then they said eyes never lie. 

Were they wrong all this time?  Creating an illusion from a small jar of expectations. We were mere strangers in the night. Our eyes met first,  and it was like an arrow going deep down my heart pearcing it down. Those little eyes hold imaginations and dreams. Somedays they hold tears of happiness and tears of sadness. But what gets me crazy is the way they look at me. It’s like they are in need of something. They want love and affection more than anything. Those brown eyes wild like the winds of dessert and so wondrous I could drown myself in. It was distant yet I could magnify the amount of treasures it had. We looked at each other for years. It was like something happend to my institutions and the more I wanted to get away from you the more I was in love. Love right? I don’t know how to define the amount of pleasure I felt when those eyes were looking at me. So I call it love. They showed me the amount of joy you held when you saw me after a long time. More than your movements were your eyes. They spoke the words you couldn’t speak at times. They left me spell bounded. They were a pilgrimage to me. They were the gods I worshipped and the stars I saw and all of them weren’t as beautiful  as the eyes you had. I never had a chance to tell you the amount of happiness your eyes gave me. It was like a rebirth to the dying. Like my soul in being reincarnated by the tenderness and joy of your pretty eyes. Those eyes were heaven sent. 

 It’s been a long time since I’ve crossed paths with those searching eyes. It’s like those eyes finally found a traveler to give themselves a rest. I’ve been searching and roaming just to get one more look at those pretty eyes,like they contacted my soul much more they contacted my appearance. They where like a vision to my lost sighted world. They were like a hope in the darkness of seas and light in the midst of nowhere. Can I look at them once again? Just to feel them, the love they held for me. Just to feel the cool of the shade they gave to my chaotic mind and my unresolved heart. They were like a piece of puzzle and a key to my lost lock. 

How heartless I was to let you go away in this dynamic  world alone. You wanted me,  those eyes never told lies they said. I waited for you in the darkness on my own. Where my mind and my heart where in an hour of tussle. Where everything was wrong and my world was long gone and lost. You gave a shelter to an Oblivion who was lost in his thoughts. Those eyes were my reasons to survive. Those eyes were the place where my world resides. I WANT YOU NOW. I want those searching eyes. Like the light of the moon that always guides. I can’t give up this fight. 

Just to see you again. 

Just to feel those eyes again. 

I can’t give up the fights. 

I keep on going through lonely nights. 

I’m not alone you have an eye on me. 

My world is better through your eyes just see. 💓

Yet again. 

I’m calling it off for today. You just let me down everytime. You aren’t even trying. You were never like this. ” She left without looking back as he was standing still in the long corridors  watching her hustle back to her class. He was smiling even though he knew,  it will take time for her to get back to normal. His mind was having quarrel with his heart. “she will turn back ” said the stupid heart. “She wont!” said the realistic mind. Yet again his mind won the quarrels on uncertainties and faith. Yet again his believe on his stupid heart took a tremendous  blow. Still he knew it was his heart who gave him the chance to meet her. The chance to keep her. 

“I think she doesn’t even care for you. Look at the way she talks to everyone. Aren’t you going to ask her your importance in her life?” said his mind with deep anger. “look how happy she is. Aren’t you just happy looking at her this way. She’d rather be set free than be captured in cages of love”.  “That’s why everyone leaves you. Get a bit realistic. She ain’t coming to you.”

Mind:” Are you sure about this. You are going to her place to give her this. Why on earth you act so desperate. It won’t even matter to her.  Don’t ring the bell. Not don’t.  Okay!  Idiot over to you now. Messed it up again.” 

Heart: it will be fine trust me. Now keep quite she’s coming. Actually the thing you will feel now will make you believe in love a bit more. 

She came and her face lit up like millions fireflies wandering in a dark night, like sudden rain in a really hot day. She went from a 16 year old to 6 years old with the smile. 

Heart: see it. Wasn’t it worth to come to her place? I know she won’t give you the place you deserve in her life. Yet the place you have in her heart is much more  important  than any wonders of this world. She is a miracle. Isn’t she the one you always wanted yet never had a chance to get. She’s a mirror. A mirror so beautiful  that reflects everything piece of calmness on this world. How can you even give up on her?  She fought all alone this long and now when she wants someone aren’t you willing to lend her a hand? 

Mind: she has many. She won’t need you!  Why will she want someone like you who cant even speak himself when she’s around? Why would she?  Why she will choose you over every other guy? 

Heart: maybe she won’t ever choose me. Maybe she has many. But maybe the only thing she needs is me. I know I sound crazy to you but I see her and me in the end. I know it’s impossible  for a person like me who panics and falls in his own insecurities. I know it’s really hard for me to admit it. But maybe all this will just make me reach one step closer to her. Just to see her and talk to her. Aren’t you willing to do it for yourself? I know she’s just another one but maybe she is the only one.

Mind: it’s impossible  to deal with you. You lost everything in the process of getting her. Maybe you will continue to do that and end up having nothing. 

Heart: I don’t want her as a companion. Maybe a friend to whom she can turn to and talk sometimes. I have things I wanted to say to many people. I hope someday my words reach to her heart and open the door the separates us.  I know how you will. But I know time will heal. Time will give you somebody better than her. But time won’t be you “her”. 

Saw you yet again. 

Saw you here again. 

Maybe your eyes told me to go away. 

But in my heart I wanted to run away. 

I wanted to run away with you. 

In the mountains of stories. 

In a life full of glories. 

I saw you yet again 

In my mind we are never together. 

But in my heart we had been this way forever. 💓

Jealous. 

Why are you always so furious and angry with me”. She said with a rather sad tone.  Her face was seeking answers. He didn’t reply to her sentence. She went away crying. She thought he was arrogant  and didn’t care about her. He was still sitting there on the bench. It started to rain.  He was looking up in the sky and thought about her. A small drop of rain ran down his cheek. “How lucky you are? Aren’t you?” he said looking up in the sky.” You get to run down her face and reach her soul. You feel her warmth. I’m jealous of you. We both look up at the same sky and feel the same breeze of wind. I wish I was in your place to rather smell her scent. To see her pretty eyes that she closes when you run past her. To hug her.”

“You don’t understand  a thing. We can’t be together. Maybe you deserve someone more compatible.”They had been in a mess and many fights it wasn’t working out for them. Those were the last things he heard from her. Days went by months went by. Finally it was her B’ day when she got a letter in the morning. “maa, where you got this from?”  she asked. “a boy gave it to me while I was coming back from Temple. Your name was written on it so I thought maybe you should read it.” She opened up the letter.  There were hundreds on her photos that came out like a stream of WATER,  from the envelope. 

“Don’t be so surprised. I see you everyday.” It was him.  After almost a year it was finally him.  The one that mattered to her. 

Dear my little world,

             You are the most complex  thing I’ve ever ran into.  Yet so simple that I can’t forget to recall you everyday. Don’t you miss me? Yeah sure you don’t. I just wanted to tell you I wasn’t arrogant or angry. I had always been jealous. I wanted to keep you by my side. I couldn’t resist not talking to you. A force drew me towards you. Force which was much stronger than the love I had, for you. I saw how happy you were with people around you. I also wanted to be a reason to your little packets of joy.  I wanted to make you feel the world I had for us. You are my kind. You are one of the kind. They see you everyday yet they don’t appreciate  the piece of heaven that sits among them.  They make you feel sad and uncomfortable. They make you feel unwanted. I wanted to be your want. I wanted to be someone you look to when you are lost. I wanted to be your man. I’m sure you are gone, I’m sure you are far alone. But if you ever look back to the one that you belong, you will always find me here. Here staring at your picture with a stupid smile and a beating heart. I owe my love to you. 

I’m jealous of not being the reason

Reason behind your smile. 

I’m jealous for not being there

For Not making you feel wanted. 

I’m jealous for the eyes that see you

They capture your heartthrob  looks. 

I’m jealous of the way you feel the music

I wish I could make you feel the same.

Im jealous with the amount of trust you have in God. 

I wish you had the same trust in me. 

I’m jealous for not being him

He who craved inside your pretty soul. 

The memories he craved in your heart are memorials but I wish I could have had made a castle of dreams. Dreams in which we could have had lived in.  I didn’t want to be a memory I wanted to be a story in which I was your hero.”

Tears ran down her cheek as she turned to her mom for a shoulder. He was standing there. With a stupid smile.  Her mom knew how badly they wanted to see each other. After all you know happy endings aren’t always a myth. 💓